The Quote That Changed It All

For as long as I can remember I have been obsessed with the written word, I LOVE to read and will read just about anything I can get my hands on, to give you a few examples of how extreme my obsession is.. Up until recently I had a storage unit that was comprised of hundreds and hundreds of books, some I have read, some I have not and some I have read, reread and can't bear to part with... I have also been writing since I was a child, lists, lists of what lists to make, poems, short stories, journaling, etc. If it can be written I have probably attempted it!

 As a child I had drawers stacked full of notebooks, diaries, journals and sketchpads. My whole life I have known that one day I was going to be writer, it didn't matter if I was ever published, didn't matter if I ever got the nerve to let someone read my memoir, didn't matter if anyone ever followed my blog..those things have never mattered to me because my writing being recognized was never the point to me, instead the point has always been just to release it from myself! I only knew I wanted it to be penned down somewhere.

Now that you have a bit of a idea how I feel about the written word, let me tell you one of my other all-time favorite things.. Quotes!! Now if you remember my previous blog you should remember as well that I am a HOPELESS romantic, so ALOT of my favorite quotes revolve around love, romance and relationships but lately due to several changes in my life the quotes that I have gravitated towards involve friendship, inspiration, positivity and the like and I thought I would share one with you and also what it has taught me over the last several weeks...

Recently someone who is very special to me imparted some great advice and I had one of those moments where a quote forever changes your ideas, beliefs and in turn changes who you are as a person, and before you ask, yes it is a man, and yes he and I are in a romantic relationship and although I would love to use this time to share "Our Story" with you, this is a day for quotes and that particular blog post will have to wait for another day :-D

Anyways! While driving down the road with "E" one day, while having a particularly thought provoking conversation about who we allow into our lives and who our TRUE friends are, he asked if he could share a quote with me and of course I was dying to hear a new quote from someone I was beginning to care so deeply about. Later I came to find out that this particular quote is one that he uses in his everyday life and is also important because it was passed on to him by his late grandmother whom I understand was a very frank woman that had lived many years on this Earth and in turn had learned quite a few things, luckily for him and I she chose to share the following quote with him.

If you can count the number of Friends that you have on ONE hand,then you have to many....

Now this may not strike you as earth shattering but trust me when I tell you that in my life and more specifically at that particular moment in my life no quote could have suited me more or been more thought provoking... You see I had recently ended my marriage and due to making the choice to do just that I had lost countless friends that.. you guessed it 'chose sides' now this may not have been such a big issue but one of these friends just so happened to be like a brother to me, we had been close for 20 years and I never would have dreamt that he would have severed our ties with the swiftness that he did and without even a word of explanation and although it hurt, it also made me start thinking about who my real true friends really were. Evaluation is not a easy task for me, and evaluation of relationships and friendships is even harder but losing this particular friendship really made me come to some hard realizations about the people I allowed into my life and claimed as "friends" and in some cases "best friends". Now you may not know this about me BUT I am one of those people that will be your doormat, your whipping boy, and your scapegoat if not careful. Over the years I have allowed myself to be used, abused, tossed aside, and trampled countless times and I began realizing that not only had I ALLOWED it to happen, in many cases I was still a willing participant in allowing myself to be treated with less than equal and fair treatment much less loyalty and trust.

So I began to think and think hard about who those 5 people were in my life... Knowing who the ones that were definitely on that short list of less than five were simple for me and by far the easiest part it was realizing who all those others were that I couldn't consider any more than fair weather. There were those friends that were in fact "around" when I was single and out and about but the moment I got married and moved 8 hrs away it was as if I didn't exist anymore, others slowly and swiftly disappeared when I chose to end my marriage. So examining exactly who was there for me was something that I needed to do at this point in my life and I thought I would share a few of mine with you. Now,, no good story can come into play without a beginning and a pivotal person...

B.J.

In my entire life I can never remember a time when Bj wasn't in my life. Our mothers are sisters and were both pregnant with us at the same time, so naturally as first cousins we were destined to be carted to matching photo sessions and preschool plays and various other fun and sometimes no so fun adventures. First I came along in April and Bj came along a few months later and being from a very close knit small family our moms spend inordinate amounts of time together so from diapers to preschool we were almost always in each others company.

The memories I have of us as children will always be my favorite, we were so young and still innocent to the world and so happy! We experienced so many things together, trips to Disney World, Universal Studios, Sea World, having a cousin and a friend that first day of preschool, Easter egg hunts as children in coordinated pastel outfits and again as teenagers fighting for the money eggs much harder than in the past.

Although I wasn't as fearless as Bj we both were often extreme in our ideas of fun, jumping off roofs, balconies and other various things, tethering ourselves to a bow-flex to crawl onto a Victorian roof that by no means should have been attempted. Even now I laugh a bit in glee at the stunts we pulled on our parents but even more so on our Nanny, if it was creepy or crawly we left it in her stoop, we mastered the art of turning our floats just right on the pool slide to splash her kitchen windows which in turn splashed her flowers with chlorinated water. Sorry Nanny! We even lived together for one crazy unsafe and unforgettable summer as kids along with both our brothers.

We eventually moved to separate towns and drifted a bit but still saw each other very often at numerous family functions and often just to hang out as teens but as we both grew into adults and had various events occur in both of our lives our bond somehow changed into not just cousins but friends as well. Fast forward a few years and Bj is happily married, as for me I'm struggling through a divorce and it felt so natural to me to not only listen to Bj's advice but agreeing to many good points he made as well, for some reason maybe since he as family, maybe since I knew deep down he knew "ME" not the person that I presented myself as or who I had been in various stages of my life but who I am and had always been since birth. When I needed someone to talk to, somewhere to stay and someone to understand and give good advice Bj was there. My hope is that he understands not only what he meant to me as a cousin when we were children and growing up but how amazed, in awe, and proud of the man and husband he has become and how honored I am to not only call him family but more importantly my friend.

Macy

Now again no good story would be complete without a twist, a few years ago none other than Bj showed up at a family function with something very rare, There stood this assertive, brunette spitfire that was nothing like I had ever seen before, now don't get me wrong Bj had brought several girls to family events as a teenager over the years and even some as a adult but this girl was the exact opposite of anyone I had ever seen him with and I was thrilled! She was just what he needed, he had chosen right!

Over the next year or so Macy and I always seemed to get along and click at family functions and even hung out several times at their house which also happened to be the house where Bj and his parents and brother had all lived when we were children.

Then came marriage and I was so excited to get to witness my cousin marry Macy, cried liked a baby as I always do at weddings, showers, and births and over the next few months, Macy and I found we had so many interests, hobbies and life ideas in common and I slowly realized that she had become one of the two closest friendships I had ever had with a female in my life. She embodied what a good friend should be in my mind, she didn't tell me what I wanted to hear unless it was what was right, she gave tough love when needed and just listened more times than I deserved I'm sure! Then life happened and while in the midst of the the difficult choice to end my marriage Macy stood there by my side through it all.

It amazes me still how much we have experienced as friends over the past year. She is my pedicurist, my therapist, my musical muse, the mother of my niece and nephew pup hounds and I consider not only my best friend but my family as well. We have laughed like crazy, had serious talks, and when I needed her most she was there. I'm not sure what our futures hold, although I predict new houses, babies, marriages, and all of those life events we are in the midst of at this time in our lives but whatever our futures hold I know she will be there through it all with a smile on her face and something hilarious to keep me laughing.

Below are Miley and Charles my sweet niece and nephew Pup Dogs

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Miley Sue

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Sir Charles The Great

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Haley

It is hard for me to even know how to go about telling you about Haley, I have known her for close to ten years.. My and Haley's first meeting was not exactly what you would expect as far as two lifelong friends meeting for the first time would be. She hated me and I didn't understand why, well I did, but I had done nothing wrong and knew I could win her over with my carefree attitude, wit and charm ;-) sure enough less than a hour into our first meeting I had her exactly where I wanted her! What else are two book nerds, and fellow arts and crafts enthusiasts supposed to do but immediately click!

I'm not sure how it even happened but over that summer we became inseparable, looking back now it seems like if we weren't at work, we were together, our boyfriends were best friends at the time so naturally our weekends were spent together, I spent more nights at her house over my late teen years than I did at my own it seems like, in a way we began becoming the women that we are now together.

Like Macy, Haley is also one of those people who will tell you exactly how it is and exactly how she feels when asked, she is assertive, grounded in her views and one of the smartest women I know. Haley comes from a family of very strong women and some of my greatest memories are of her and I spending the day with her grandmother who Bless her heart spent many of Saturday teaching us to knit and sharing advice and life lessons. Now this may not seem normal for 17 and 18 year old girls to spend their free time knitting, reading and getting life lessons from MeMe BUT for us it was totally normal and I'm sure neither of us would have traded those days for anything.

While contemplating this post it amazed me at how many times Haley was the one standing there ready to help me pick up the pieces, now don't get me wrong, we have had our ups and downs, we have had disagreements, we have hurt each other, and we have made up and no matter what happens it seems that Haley and I always find our way back to each other.. Early on in my late childhood and early teens I realized very quickly that I wasn't what was considered the norm for a girl my age and being such it was difficult to form meaningful relationships with females, don't get me wrong I had girlfriends but really up until Haley I didn't have a BEST friend, someone that understood me, and cared about me for me.

For me some of these true friendship lessons were hard to learn, several years ago I found myself in a very toxic, unhealthy relationship and being the smart, assertive and headstrong woman that she is, Haley voiced her opposition to this relationship almost from the beginning, but of course being the hopeless romantic that I was I just KNEW I could change the guy and the relationship and I soldiered on. It got to the point over the next year that Haley spent less and less time enjoying the friendship we had previous to my relationship and Haley spent more time listening to me cry over all the things she told me would happen.

Now looking back I realize not only how selfish I was being but also how ignorant I was. She knew me better than anyone and not only did she predict that this relationship would never last she practically gave me a blow by blow account of how it was gonna shake out, but being the stubborn eternal optimist that I am I continued in pursuit of love and in the process lost my relationship with Haley for quite some time... Now I told you that to tell you this.. In the few years following this I grieved not for the relationship that ended almost exactly how Haley said it would but even more so for the friendship I had lost.. I spent the next few years searching for a connection and a friendship with someone that was like what I had with Haley and I finally came to realize that there is NO friendship that could ever compare to what Haley and I have. We can go a day or a year and still pick up right where we left off. She still knows me better than almost anyone and will still call me on my crap if needed and I wouldn't have it any other way. As I write this I am amazed at how so much has changed but so much is still the same, Haley is still and will always be that headstrong, assertive, strong woman that she has always been, the one who gives the most practical and no-nonsense advice you could hope to get.

Haley is now a wife to a amazing man who loves her dearly and a mother to the most beautiful little boy and I am so thankful that that day 10 years ago she gave me a chance, because without that I would never have had the honor of not only knowing one of the most amazing women on Earth but also being able to call her my friend. So thank you Haley, thank you for being you, thank you for second chances,Thank you for teaching me the true meaning of friendship and thank you for being that true friend even when I haven't deserved it. I wouldn't be the woman I am if you hadn't walked into my life. You have truly been one of the joys in my life and no one will ever be able to replace what you have given to me...

Hello There, Thanks in advance for taking the time to visit my new lil spot here in the blogosphere.. Being the OCD control the reins type of gal that I am although I am dying to begin posting some great blogs up here, at the moment I am focusing on tweaking, editing and beautifying Sugar Plums and Dreams and thought in the meantime I would go into my archives and post a lil something I wrote a few years back... I chose this particular post for a few reasons.. first it is very relevant to me at the moment and in the past I have been told that this particular letter inspired a few others to try their hand at the same.and second because this is my way of giving back to the person that finally gave me the courage to believe in myself and my dreams(one of which is Sugar Plums and Dreams). For as long as I can remember I have LoVeD to write, it has never mattered what, I am just as happy making a spring cleaning schedule as I am a short story and a few years ago a mentor and a great friend of mine suggested that I write a letter to my future husband and save it so that one day I could present it to him and he would know in that moment that long before you met him you loved, prayed for and hoped for him to come into your world. Being the hopeless romantic that I am this suggestion was just to intriguing to pass up so one night over a glass of wine I sat down and wrote my letter to my future husband... I hope you enjoy it and would love to see your version of a letter to him....

To You..

I found myself thinking about you today. Wondering where you are, what you’re thinking and doing. It hurts a little not to be with you, but I can live with that for now, knowing that we’ll spend the rest of our lives together. I’m writing this letter to help you understand what I’ve been thinking about and why. I probably don’t know all the right things to say, but my feelings and words are from the heart. Actually, I find myself thinking about you more and more. The very idea of you provides a much-needed break from the pressures of dating, relationships and life. In the midst of it all—the thought of you calms and refreshes me—makes me smile, in spite of my situation and surroundings. I know it sounds crazy, but I picture you—your smile, the way you push my hair behind my ear, your wonderful laugh, even when my jokes aren’t funny. I can’t help but wonder what our children will look like. I can't wait to see the father you will become.
I’ve cared about other men, but something always seems to be missing. I go out and have fun, but the idea of you and our future together is always in my thoughts. It keeps me focused and on track, aware of who I am and what’s important. And loving you, without ever having met you, makes me want to be deserving of your love.You are probably going to find me when I'm not even looking. Or maybe I will find you when you aren’t looking. I believe we will find ourselves on the same path in the future. We will find the path when our hearts are healed. My hope is that when we find each other we will make adjustments, change our routes, and move at the same speed. I hope to spend lazy Saturday mornings in bed with you then spend the evening on the couch watching football. I hope to go on journeys, walks, trips and adventures. I hope to walk across the entire city and only stop for coffee and pictures. I hope to never forget the beginning. I CANT wait to tell our "love story"!!! I hope I’m your decision. I hope we can camp in the backyard, sleep under the stars, plant a garden, play basketball, cook, run and live together. I hope we can share our lives. I hope we can discover, learn and grow together. Mostly I hope you can always find me in the crowd.
I have had so many of my married and engaged friends tell me, “you just know”. Well, I’ll be honest and let you know there were a few times when “I just knew”. Apparently I don’t have the ability to just know when I’ve met “the one” because I’ve been wrong each of these few times. My past relationships have been so important to me because they enabled me to grow and change. I learned what I DID NOT want in a relationship and I also discovered what I do want. I want you and so far you haven’t been the one next to me. I believe all my past relationships and experiences have prepared me for you. You are not my first love. I have been hopelessly and desperately in love before. I’ve been hurt. I’ve been broken. I’ve been left behind and forgotten. After each breakup I picked myself up used all my courage to try again and take that leap of faith. I was able to do this knowing that you were out there. The past has enabled me to love fully and deeply. I’m not afraid to fall in love. I need you to understand that I’ve been involved in some intense, beautiful, spontaneous and unrealistic relationships. I fit with each of my ex-boyfriends. You may not picture me with some of them but you have to understand they were apart of my life. We each fit together in different ways; some fits were better than others. I can’t wait to fit with you in a new way. A different way. A perfect way.
There are so many things I want to tell you and I AM a talker.. I want to share my dreams with you. I want to trust you to listen and to care about what I say,. You are very important to me.
When I think about getting married, I think about much more than just the wedding dress, bridesmaids, flowers, invitations and parties. To me, getting married means sharing the rest of my life with you. Growing old together - 'til death do us part - with a lot of living in between. It means growing and changing and living through the good times as well as the bad. It means loving each other when it is difficult. I look forward to a happy life with you and our children, I catch myself picturing so many of the milestones we will share together, falling in love and learning every little thing about each other, the day you propose, when the day comes that I walk down the aisle to you, you should know that I think about the moment when our eyes meet as I walk towards you very often. I see the day we find out that we are going to become a family, and the moment when we hold our first child, the years to come raising and being a part of a wonderful loving happy family, but I'm not so unrealistic that I think we won't have any problems or difficulties. Those will be the growing times when our love and commitment will be tested, and we will emerge stronger, wiser and more deeply in love. I know that we need each other to be each others rock during these times and I am fully committed to living out each and every day of my life by your side through all the wonderful milestones and the not so easy one. I feel like we have already been chosen for each other. That is so amazing to me! I can hardly wait to meet you, but I know I have to be patient because it will only happen when it is time for us to come together. Until then, I can think about you and pray for you and hope that you are thinking about me and praying for me, too. I hope so much that you are waiting for me just as I am waiting for you.
I believe that it is necessary to know what is important to me and to have some "major" requirements when it comes to selecting my spouse. That way it will be easier for me to recognize you when we meet. The "majors" are basically those few character traits that are absolutely essential to me; traits that I just could not compromise on for any reason. The first "Major" would be unselfishness. I'm not perfect in this area either, but I want both of us to be unselfish. We cannot go through life thinking only of ourselves. We have to be willing to make sacrifices for each other and for our children. We have to be willing to love. That's not always easy, but unless we are committed to a lifetime of loving unselfishly, our marriage will never succeed. We have to be honest too. No marriage can survive without honesty and trust. I know we will spend many hours just talking and learning about each other by sharing our thoughts and our feelings, our hopes, our dreams and our fears. I want us to be very comfortable with each other. I want so much to love you. And, I want you to love me. I want to be cherished, to be the most important person in your life, to be your most intimate friend. I want to be your wife. I want you tenderness and affection, your kindness and you strength. I want to be there for you when you feel happy and on top of the world, and I want to be there when your spirit is crushed. I want to feel protected and secure in your love and to trust you at all times. I want you to feel safe with me and never to be ashamed to talk about your fears and weaknesses. I want to encourage you to stand up for your beliefs and always to do what is right. I want to stand beside you as we go through life together.
I’m not looking for perfection. I know our relationship will be beautiful but far from perfect. Perfection bores me. I know what we have will be real. I know there will be arguments, disagreements and hard times. Despite the obstacles we’ll encounter I know we’ll smile, laugh, dance and love together. If I am reading this to you then you have to know that I never doubted you were out there for me. I can’t wait to hug you, kiss you, hold you and love you. Although I don’t know you yet I can confidently say that I Love You more than you could ever know. The second I realized that you were out there looking for me too you became my world. I can't wait for the day I can give this to you and until then I hope you go through life knowing that I am here and I love you desperately..

Love,
Me....