For as long as I can remember I have been obsessed with the written word, I LOVE to read and will read just about anything I can get my hands on, to give you a few examples of how extreme my obsession is.. Up until recently I had a storage unit that was comprised of hundreds and hundreds of books, some I have read, some I have not and some I have read, reread and can't bear to part with... I have also been writing since I was a child, lists, lists of what lists to make, poems, short stories, journaling, etc. If it can be written I have probably attempted it!
As a child I had drawers stacked full of notebooks, diaries, journals and sketchpads. My whole life I have known that one day I was going to be writer, it didn't matter if I was ever published, didn't matter if I ever got the nerve to let someone read my memoir, didn't matter if anyone ever followed my blog..those things have never mattered to me because my writing being recognized was never the point to me, instead the point has always been just to release it from myself! I only knew I wanted it to be penned down somewhere.
Now that you have a bit of a idea how I feel about the written word, let me tell you one of my other all-time favorite things.. Quotes!! Now if you remember my previous blog you should remember as well that I am a HOPELESS romantic, so ALOT of my favorite quotes revolve around love, romance and relationships but lately due to several changes in my life the quotes that I have gravitated towards involve friendship, inspiration, positivity and the like and I thought I would share one with you and also what it has taught me over the last several weeks...
Recently someone who is very special to me imparted some great advice and I had one of those moments where a quote forever changes your ideas, beliefs and in turn changes who you are as a person, and before you ask, yes it is a man, and yes he and I are in a romantic relationship and although I would love to use this time to share "Our Story" with you, this is a day for quotes and that particular blog post will have to wait for another day :-D
Anyways! While driving down the road with "E" one day, while having a particularly thought provoking conversation about who we allow into our lives and who our TRUE friends are, he asked if he could share a quote with me and of course I was dying to hear a new quote from someone I was beginning to care so deeply about. Later I came to find out that this particular quote is one that he uses in his everyday life and is also important because it was passed on to him by his late grandmother whom I understand was a very frank woman that had lived many years on this Earth and in turn had learned quite a few things, luckily for him and I she chose to share the following quote with him.
If you can count the number of Friends that you have on ONE hand,then you have to many....
Now this may not strike you as earth shattering but trust me when I tell you that in my life and more specifically at that particular moment in my life no quote could have suited me more or been more thought provoking... You see I had recently ended my marriage and due to making the choice to do just that I had lost countless friends that.. you guessed it 'chose sides' now this may not have been such a big issue but one of these friends just so happened to be like a brother to me, we had been close for 20 years and I never would have dreamt that he would have severed our ties with the swiftness that he did and without even a word of explanation and although it hurt, it also made me start thinking about who my real true friends really were. Evaluation is not a easy task for me, and evaluation of relationships and friendships is even harder but losing this particular friendship really made me come to some hard realizations about the people I allowed into my life and claimed as "friends" and in some cases "best friends". Now you may not know this about me BUT I am one of those people that will be your doormat, your whipping boy, and your scapegoat if not careful. Over the years I have allowed myself to be used, abused, tossed aside, and trampled countless times and I began realizing that not only had I ALLOWED it to happen, in many cases I was still a willing participant in allowing myself to be treated with less than equal and fair treatment much less loyalty and trust.
So I began to think and think hard about who those 5 people were in my life... Knowing who the ones that were definitely on that short list of less than five were simple for me and by far the easiest part it was realizing who all those others were that I couldn't consider any more than fair weather. There were those friends that were in fact "around" when I was single and out and about but the moment I got married and moved 8 hrs away it was as if I didn't exist anymore, others slowly and swiftly disappeared when I chose to end my marriage. So examining exactly who was there for me was something that I needed to do at this point in my life and I thought I would share a few of mine with you. Now,, no good story can come into play without a beginning and a pivotal person...
B.J.
In my entire life I can never remember a time when Bj wasn't in my life. Our mothers are sisters and were both pregnant with us at the same time, so naturally as first cousins we were destined to be carted to matching photo sessions and preschool plays and various other fun and sometimes no so fun adventures. First I came along in April and Bj came along a few months later and being from a very close knit small family our moms spend inordinate amounts of time together so from diapers to preschool we were almost always in each others company.
The memories I have of us as children will always be my favorite, we were so young and still innocent to the world and so happy! We experienced so many things together, trips to Disney World, Universal Studios, Sea World, having a cousin and a friend that first day of preschool, Easter egg hunts as children in coordinated pastel outfits and again as teenagers fighting for the money eggs much harder than in the past.
Although I wasn't as fearless as Bj we both were often extreme in our ideas of fun, jumping off roofs, balconies and other various things, tethering ourselves to a bow-flex to crawl onto a Victorian roof that by no means should have been attempted. Even now I laugh a bit in glee at the stunts we pulled on our parents but even more so on our Nanny, if it was creepy or crawly we left it in her stoop, we mastered the art of turning our floats just right on the pool slide to splash her kitchen windows which in turn splashed her flowers with chlorinated water. Sorry Nanny! We even lived together for one crazy unsafe and unforgettable summer as kids along with both our brothers.
We eventually moved to separate towns and drifted a bit but still saw each other very often at numerous family functions and often just to hang out as teens but as we both grew into adults and had various events occur in both of our lives our bond somehow changed into not just cousins but friends as well. Fast forward a few years and Bj is happily married, as for me I'm struggling through a divorce and it felt so natural to me to not only listen to Bj's advice but agreeing to many good points he made as well, for some reason maybe since he as family, maybe since I knew deep down he knew "ME" not the person that I presented myself as or who I had been in various stages of my life but who I am and had always been since birth. When I needed someone to talk to, somewhere to stay and someone to understand and give good advice Bj was there. My hope is that he understands not only what he meant to me as a cousin when we were children and growing up but how amazed, in awe, and proud of the man and husband he has become and how honored I am to not only call him family but more importantly my friend.
Macy
Now again no good story would be complete without a twist, a few years ago none other than Bj showed up at a family function with something very rare, There stood this assertive, brunette spitfire that was nothing like I had ever seen before, now don't get me wrong Bj had brought several girls to family events as a teenager over the years and even some as a adult but this girl was the exact opposite of anyone I had ever seen him with and I was thrilled! She was just what he needed, he had chosen right!
Over the next year or so Macy and I always seemed to get along and click at family functions and even hung out several times at their house which also happened to be the house where Bj and his parents and brother had all lived when we were children.
Then came marriage and I was so excited to get to witness my cousin marry Macy, cried liked a baby as I always do at weddings, showers, and births and over the next few months, Macy and I found we had so many interests, hobbies and life ideas in common and I slowly realized that she had become one of the two closest friendships I had ever had with a female in my life. She embodied what a good friend should be in my mind, she didn't tell me what I wanted to hear unless it was what was right, she gave tough love when needed and just listened more times than I deserved I'm sure! Then life happened and while in the midst of the the difficult choice to end my marriage Macy stood there by my side through it all.
It amazes me still how much we have experienced as friends over the past year. She is my pedicurist, my therapist, my musical muse, the mother of my niece and nephew pup hounds and I consider not only my best friend but my family as well. We have laughed like crazy, had serious talks, and when I needed her most she was there. I'm not sure what our futures hold, although I predict new houses, babies, marriages, and all of those life events we are in the midst of at this time in our lives but whatever our futures hold I know she will be there through it all with a smile on her face and something hilarious to keep me laughing.
Below are Miley and Charles my sweet niece and nephew Pup Dogs
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| Miley Sue |
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| Sir Charles The Great |
Haley
It is hard for me to even know how to go about telling you about Haley, I have known her for close to ten years.. My and Haley's first meeting was not exactly what you would expect as far as two lifelong friends meeting for the first time would be. She hated me and I didn't understand why, well I did, but I had done nothing wrong and knew I could win her over with my carefree attitude, wit and charm ;-) sure enough less than a hour into our first meeting I had her exactly where I wanted her! What else are two book nerds, and fellow arts and crafts enthusiasts supposed to do but immediately click!
I'm not sure how it even happened but over that summer we became inseparable, looking back now it seems like if we weren't at work, we were together, our boyfriends were best friends at the time so naturally our weekends were spent together, I spent more nights at her house over my late teen years than I did at my own it seems like, in a way we began becoming the women that we are now together.
Like Macy, Haley is also one of those people who will tell you exactly how it is and exactly how she feels when asked, she is assertive, grounded in her views and one of the smartest women I know. Haley comes from a family of very strong women and some of my greatest memories are of her and I spending the day with her grandmother who Bless her heart spent many of Saturday teaching us to knit and sharing advice and life lessons. Now this may not seem normal for 17 and 18 year old girls to spend their free time knitting, reading and getting life lessons from MeMe BUT for us it was totally normal and I'm sure neither of us would have traded those days for anything.
While contemplating this post it amazed me at how many times Haley was the one standing there ready to help me pick up the pieces, now don't get me wrong, we have had our ups and downs, we have had disagreements, we have hurt each other, and we have made up and no matter what happens it seems that Haley and I always find our way back to each other.. Early on in my late childhood and early teens I realized very quickly that I wasn't what was considered the norm for a girl my age and being such it was difficult to form meaningful relationships with females, don't get me wrong I had girlfriends but really up until Haley I didn't have a BEST friend, someone that understood me, and cared about me for me.
For me some of these true friendship lessons were hard to learn, several years ago I found myself in a very toxic, unhealthy relationship and being the smart, assertive and headstrong woman that she is, Haley voiced her opposition to this relationship almost from the beginning, but of course being the hopeless romantic that I was I just KNEW I could change the guy and the relationship and I soldiered on. It got to the point over the next year that Haley spent less and less time enjoying the friendship we had previous to my relationship and Haley spent more time listening to me cry over all the things she told me would happen.
Now looking back I realize not only how selfish I was being but also how ignorant I was. She knew me better than anyone and not only did she predict that this relationship would never last she practically gave me a blow by blow account of how it was gonna shake out, but being the stubborn eternal optimist that I am I continued in pursuit of love and in the process lost my relationship with Haley for quite some time... Now I told you that to tell you this.. In the few years following this I grieved not for the relationship that ended almost exactly how Haley said it would but even more so for the friendship I had lost.. I spent the next few years searching for a connection and a friendship with someone that was like what I had with Haley and I finally came to realize that there is NO friendship that could ever compare to what Haley and I have. We can go a day or a year and still pick up right where we left off. She still knows me better than almost anyone and will still call me on my crap if needed and I wouldn't have it any other way. As I write this I am amazed at how so much has changed but so much is still the same, Haley is still and will always be that headstrong, assertive, strong woman that she has always been, the one who gives the most practical and no-nonsense advice you could hope to get.
Haley is now a wife to a amazing man who loves her dearly and a mother to the most beautiful little boy and I am so thankful that that day 10 years ago she gave me a chance, because without that I would never have had the honor of not only knowing one of the most amazing women on Earth but also being able to call her my friend. So thank you Haley, thank you for being you, thank you for second chances,Thank you for teaching me the true meaning of friendship and thank you for being that true friend even when I haven't deserved it. I wouldn't be the woman I am if you hadn't walked into my life. You have truly been one of the joys in my life and no one will ever be able to replace what you have given to me...
"E"
As I said before "E" not only encouraged me to begin this blog(something I have wanted to do for years) But also gave me the inspiration for this post as well. "E" and I met several years ago and over the years developed a friendship that was unlike any friendship I had ever had with a man, looking back now I wonder if it was because i unconsciously KNEW how important and pivotal of a role he would play in my life in the near future. Although we didn't really spend time together, we often emailed each other and being in the same industry we sometimes ran into each other at work or were in contact over the phone for business purposes, now if I'm being honest I can say with absolute certainty that many of those business calls were probably unneeded ;-) and looking back maybe our relationship was progressing into something more way before either of us realized it.
Fast forward a few years, and here I am back in Alabama after choosing to end my marriage, after quite a few stressful weeks I decided to go and enjoy a night out with Bj and Macy for a few drinks and to hopefully take my mind off the past few weeks and who should walk into our local bar but "E". Don't get me wrong we had several encounters over the years but this was the first time we had seen each other since establishing this new found friendship and understanding of each other, I won't go into great detail because "Our Story" is for another day but for now just know that we had both come from somewhat similar situations and both knew a great deal about the other and what we had both been through, and somehow a simple hello and a hug turned into a very enjoyable conversation.
A few weeks later after I attended my 26th birthday party (which by the way was a disaster)I decided to call "E" up to make me feel a bit better, you should know he has this incredibly optimistic, positive and happy outlook on life that is infectious and knowing this I thought he was the perfect person to make me perk up, little did I know the impact this simple phone call would have on me. Not only did "E" make me feel better, but he got me talking "Real Talk". For the first time in as long as I can remember I was presenting myself to someone, not the edited and photo shopped representative of myself that I desperately needed others to see and accept, not the teenage girl that had learned to cower down and hide, but ME, raw, unadulterated and unafraid. It is hard to explain but for some reason something he said resonated and I could no longer carry around the 10,000lb elephant on my chest that consisted of burdens that were not mine to shoulder, my childhood, my Jr high years and my past relationships.
All of a sudden as I began to talk, it all just fell away, and the more I told him about myself, the more I remembered and realized about myself that I had forgotten, hidden away or blocked out.. It terrified me that I had let someone in on all my secrets, wishes, dreams and fantasies but what was even scarier was the fact that he liked this woman that came from that insecure, scared little girl who had long forgotten who she was and what she wanted out of life. This may seem like it would be a dream come true but for me it was nerve wracking! Here I was laying everything about myself out on the table and not only did he understand me but he saw so much in me that I hadn't allowed myself to hope for in years.
For the first time I understood what people were talking about when they say "He makes me want to be a better person". For the first time in over 10 years I allowed myself to believe in ME again. "E" Believed in me in ways that no one else ever has, and was so adamant about me following my dreams and the fact that he KNEW that I could accomplish them gave me the courage to allow myself to remember what those dreams used to be and jumped right into making those dreams a reality. It should be noted that "E" not only has been incredibly successful in his career and accomplished more at his age than some in his profession do in 20 years, he has served our country proudly, he is the most amazing father to three of the most beautiful and incredible children on Earth, and he has more depth of love, compassion, and integrity than anyone I have ever known. Knowing all of these amazing qualities made his opinion of me that much more important and to be truthful I was positively giddy that this amazing man thought so much of me. It may seem odd to those of you who have had people in your life that believe in you 100% and are very vocal about it, but up until this point it seemed as if the majority of the people in my life were either not healthy relationships or insisted on giving me "tough love" (openly criticising me for past mistakes, issues and failures and being what I now realize was a VERY negative source in my life. "E" was so far separated from those examples to me that I was in awe. In such a short time he has not only taught me to believe, love and care about myself again but has become my best friend.
This man was adamant and fierce about the fact that no one would be allowed to mentally, physically, or emotionally harm me again and even more adamant about the fact that I would see myself the way he saw me before it was over with and then I would never allow those things to occur either. For the first time I realized I was a willing and active participant in allowing my insecurities, burdens and issues from my past to completely dictate my future.
Of course as a child, like with many little girls I began forming a picture in my head of what my happily ever after looked like, what true love meant to me, and who my prince charming would be.. Now it is at this point that I and most little girls grow up and after years of being told what to want and what is normal in society their happily ever afters begin to alter to what they have been convinced is normal and ideal and my story wasn't much different. "E" changed all that, he walked into my life, challenged me and my views on myself, life, love and relationships and slowly but surely I allowed myself to not only remember what my fairy tale had looked like but also to believe that it was not only attainable but possibly right in front of me where I had least expected it.
A incredibly intimate and intellectual relationship has always been very important to me and over those first few weeks we spent countless hours on the phone, and eventually driving down back roads doing nothing but having these amazing intense discussions on life, love, family, relationships among other things that interested him, I or both of us. He had not only given me the courage to remember the woman I was meant to be but also gave me that intimacy, connection and intellectual stimulation that I had long given up on. He has restored in me not only hope, love and joy but he gave me back my courage and passion that I no longer thought existed and for that I will forever be grateful.
"E" thank you for being you and thank you for believing in me more than I believed in myself. Writing this fairy tale over past few months has and will always be one of the most profound and life changing experiences of my life.
So now my story has come full circle and I hope you have a bit more insight not only into who I am but also into those that have helped to make me the person I am today... Who are your 5, who are those true friends that impact you and your life daily....
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